syntax is better than sex

Sometimes words mean too much to me for my own good.  Have you ever loved somebody (solely) based upon their words?  Do you believe in love at first recite?

I wish I could figure out how to love words properly.  I don’t know what to do when I love the way someone has arranged them.  Read them over and over?  Tell the person?  How?  When you tell someone you love their words, what do they think?  They wouldn’t understand.  If someone told me they loved my words I wouldn’t know how to react.  You can’t have a conversation about them, really.  You can’t show them how and why they mean a lot to you.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could plug the person in to your past and they would see a slideshow of photos or maybe even movie snipets of why a particular line has come to mean a lot to you?  I’m not sure what that would accomplish.  I want to tell people how much their words mean to me, but they’ve probably already heard it a thousand times over from everyone else.  I am always too late.
I wish I could figure out how to make love to a brain.  I wish I could speak as well as I can type. 

I wish I didn’t feel like I’m on an antidepressant.  I wish I could think.
I wish it was the moment before I force myself to go to bed.  That’s when my brain is working the hardest.  That’s when my brain is full of things to say.  That’s when I don’t say any of them because I am going to bed.  That’s when I lose parts of myself.  Or I lose the ability to explain parts of myself. 

I wish it was the moment I sit down on the toilet.  That’s the only time during the day when all of the things I try not to think about are thought about.  When I’m alone in there.  When all of my distractions are muffled.  When you are not near me.  I am most myself in the bathroom.  How unfortunate.

I wish I was driving.  That’s when I think things that I can’t write down right then and there, and when I don’t write them down I lose them forever.  Even if I can remember later what I wanted to write about, I can’t remember the order the words are supposed to go and it ends up not sounding as brilliant as I remembered.  Nothing I write or think is brilliant though.