"I want to see the world and I want to write down everything."

Sometimes I can’t handle the fact that there are six billion plus people doing six billion different things.  Sometimes it’s too overwhelming that wildlife is being wildlife and water is being water at every single moment that I’m doing whatever I do.  That there is snow and lightning and lava and fog.  That there are cars and airplanes and trails and libraries.  That I can’t even work up enough energy to comprehend everything, or even anything, that’s happening every second of every day on Earth, let alone the entire universe.

I’m watching/listening to Sunrise Earth and I don’t want to be where I am.  I have this unsatisfied need to be really cold.  Not cold in a house or cold at 5 am in the city, but cold in the snow.  Cold in the mountains.  Not uncomfortably cold, just refreshingly cold.  I need some purity wherever there is a drop left, if there is even a drop left.

It’s painful that I feel like I need to step into my house for a breath of fresh air.

I could use a swim, but just please not in a chlorine-filled swimming pool.  Not even one of those salt water ones.  I need the Mokelumne.  I don’t even want to test it first.  I almost always test it first even though I know it will be as cold as it always is.  Just to see, I guess.  Even on the hottest days of summer it is almost unbearably cold.  When I am submerged in water I am raw and pure and charged.  That is such an easy statement because everybody in the world must feel the same way, right?  They just must.  Because water is old.  REALLY old.  Nevermind about dinosaur bones and mummies and broken pots and stone weapons.  Forget buried cities and sunken treasures.  I mean, as amazing as those things are, as amazing as it is that, wow, humans have been around for a whlie and people actually used to do stuff and build stuff, it doesn’t compare to how ancient our water is.  Water has really been around.  Water means that Rome might as well have been built yesterday.  And in one day.  If you really want to get in touch with our past just take a swim.  Seriously, just go jump into a river or the ocean.  Why water is more gratifying than, say, a mountain is because you can be in it and not just look at it or walk on it or roll around on it.  Water is just more rewarding.  When I look at a mountain I am not completely satisfied because I get an overwhelming feeling that I want to be in it and I want to be spread over the entire thing, and I’m pretty sure that in my lifetime those things will remain impossible.  I can’t express my feelings to a mountain, at least not in the way I would like.  I can express my feelings to water because I can become enveloped in it.  I can touch it with every single inch of my external body.  It’s something I can really, truly sink into.

I love the feeling of being in my hometown and I love the feeling of swimming in cold, cold rivers and I’m pretty sure that’s part of what being human should feel like.  If being human should even feel like anything.